the first one

I'm leaving my life in your handsssss

Loneliness has always been a friend of mine…

That line has lived unprovoked in my head since I discovered and became obsessed with the Sleeping At Last indie cover of the Backstreet Boys’ As Long as You Love Me from my childhood. I consider loneliness a familiar friend, and I’ve tried my best to be a person who is never ashamed of this emotion, because I’ve had to be alone very often over the past four years. Even this piece, which I consider the best thing I’ve ever written to date, is sort of about loneliness, that yearning for a place that is familiar. A place to return to and call your own. A home. 

Which is why I am advocating for the definition of loneliness to expand to include the absence of the familiar. 

I have just moved to a new city (logistics are still kinda blurry), and even though it is similar to where I was born and have lived my whole life, there’s so many small unfamiliarities that throw me off and make things a little uncomfortable. Like looking up from a moving taxi in traffic to see tree lined streets that could be anywhere in the country of my birth, but having no idea where exactly I am. Or ordering food that looks very familiar (often with the same name), and then have to instantly recalibrate your “eating senses” because of how shockingly different it tastes. I have also gotten into the habit of never ordering anything that looks familiar on the menu because the dissonance is much more jarring with familiar things. 

I will explore the concept of loneliness a little more in a longer format, but in the meantime, I’d love to hear about it from , but I want to do it from different perspectives, so let me know if you have stories to share. 

And now onto some fun stuff!

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What I’ve been watching:

I wish I had started this newsletter earlier so I could tell you all what I’ve been watching because that list is always ROBUST and A*! But better late than never, no?

The Mandalorian

Look, this is an insanely good show for something that doesn’t have a female character until ep 3 or 4. Mandor does a LOT of strutting on the show that is very enjoyable to look at, and oddly memorable. The dialogue is also topnotch and the show is well paced with a good ending. 10/10 recommend. 

Dash & Lily

This is the sort of show that is so well written it forces you to care about the mundane worries of rich, foreign (white) kids. It was adapted from a book by two YA (young adult) OG’s (original gangsters) so the dialogue will not disappoint you. It's also really silly and if you watch it because of this list, and you hate it, feel free to text me directly to rant. If you love it, you’re welcome!

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What I’ve been reading: 

1. The Lonely City by Olivia Laing - Cliche, but were you surprised?

2. Women Talking by Miriam Toews - I’ll do a review post when it ends so you can all read. 

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What I’ve been listening to:

I’ve been in my R & B bag really heavy lately, and I have to admit that it might not be just a passing fancy and I now enjoy that sort of music. Welp.  But this list also contains some of my genre staples, and I hope you like it as much as I do. 

1. Chaos - Miki Fiki

2. The Mandalorian - Ludwig Goransson

3. Japanese Denim - Daniel Caesar

4. Pink + White - Frank Ocean

5. As E Dey Go - Naira Marley

If you got all the way down here, I really hope it was worth your while and you open the next one. 

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Love & Light. 

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Caveat -This is the very first edition of the newsletter, so I will be moving things around quite a bit, so expect some changes! 

Also, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. What do you like? What should I add or keep? Let me know!